Talking about Alzheimer's is never complete without mentioning crying. Everyone is going to do it. The person who is afflicted is going to cry when she finds out. Her friends and family are going to cry as they watch her slipping away. The crying isn't going to just happen one time and then be over. It is going to happen time and time again. And that is okay.
I do it regularly. So does my family. So does my mother, though she will never admit it.
But through those tears, we try to laugh. And sometimes laugh our way to crying. Remember to let your emotions flow instead of keeping them bottled up. And know you will get through this, somehow some way.
{{hugs}} to everyone else dealing with this disease in their lives. We're all in it together.
Monday, April 4, 2011
C is for Caregivers
Unfortunately, I was never really able to be the caregiver for my mother. I live several miles away, and could only get home a few times a year. While home, though, my father would sleep the entire time, exhausted from having to serve as her caregiver. I would be exhausted after even three days home, let alone it being a full-time job.
It is important to make sure you have a strong support system as a caregiver. There are Alzheimer's support groups out there. My father did try to go to a couple of meetings. Alas, they often were not meeting when they posted they would be. When he called to inquire, he was told "We forgot." No joke. (But how flippin' cliche and hilarious at the same time!?!)
I actually came across a great article for caregivers the other day. It's from the Keene Sentinel in New Hampshire, but the information is useful for anyone who is dealing with Alzheimer's in the family. Read "Resources and tips for the millions of Alzheimer's caregivers, a group at-risk of emotional, health, work, and relationship issues."
It is important to make sure you have a strong support system as a caregiver. There are Alzheimer's support groups out there. My father did try to go to a couple of meetings. Alas, they often were not meeting when they posted they would be. When he called to inquire, he was told "We forgot." No joke. (But how flippin' cliche and hilarious at the same time!?!)
I actually came across a great article for caregivers the other day. It's from the Keene Sentinel in New Hampshire, but the information is useful for anyone who is dealing with Alzheimer's in the family. Read "Resources and tips for the millions of Alzheimer's caregivers, a group at-risk of emotional, health, work, and relationship issues."
Saturday, April 2, 2011
B is for Bras
My family has been a long-time fan of The Golden Girls. I have fond memories of the four of us curling up in the living room every Saturday evening to watch. As the show ended and eventually turned into reruns, we all kept watching. One might say that my father is obsessed.
There is one particular episode in which Sophia makes a comment that she knows she is still okay, because she isn't putting her underwear on outside of her clothes.
One day, I got a message from my father telling me that the Sophia Petrillo moment had happened. Mom was trying to put her bra on outside of the clothes. I burst out laughing.
Yes, I also had a brief moment of a tear or two. But the image in my mind was absolutely priceless. Remember, you have to laugh at Alzheimer's, or you'll go nuts!
There is one particular episode in which Sophia makes a comment that she knows she is still okay, because she isn't putting her underwear on outside of her clothes.
One day, I got a message from my father telling me that the Sophia Petrillo moment had happened. Mom was trying to put her bra on outside of the clothes. I burst out laughing.
Yes, I also had a brief moment of a tear or two. But the image in my mind was absolutely priceless. Remember, you have to laugh at Alzheimer's, or you'll go nuts!
B is for Brain, Babies, and Boyfriends
My mother was aware that her memory was slipping. It got particularly bad after she was forced into an early retirement. Then again, that early retirement came about because she was starting to forget things. She kept talking about the importance of keeping her brain active. She regularly played computer solitaire games, particularly Free Cell. She played Sudoku for a while, but her true puzzle passions laid in jigsaws and word searches. The way that she would chant the letters for a word she was seeking reminded me of my students who use word searches as a method of learning how to spell.
Mom also wanted to start reading again. Unfortunately, it had been so long since she had been into reading, that she found it difficult. I also think it was hard for her to remember chapters from one day to the next. It was easier to read the newspaper. But then, we would hear about the same article time and time again.
It was almost comical the way that she would get so excited about an article she found. "Oh my goodness! Did you hear about this?!" And she would proceed to read the article to us. Fast forward anywhere from 10-30 minutes, and the excitement would begin again. To prevent ourselves from getting too annoyed, we would feign excitement or even try to guess what it was about.
It is sad to watch her brain deteriorate. Eventually, she will become like her mother, I am sure, and simply lie in bed in the fetal position.
And speaking of babies, my mother always wanted to be a grandmother. She has pretty much been after me since I was a kid to provide her with those grandbabies. Every time a customer would come into their store with a baby, she would beg to hold it and bring it over to show me. It hurts that even if I do eventually have a baby some day, she will be unable to enjoy playing with them. My consolation here is that she has pictures of family friends' babies, and she is convinced that she is related to them somehow. So in her world, she has those beautiful grandbabies.
Now, of course, to have a baby, I require an actual boyfriend who should eventually become my husband. In my first relationship after Mom had gotten really bad, I spent a lot of time crying, because she would never meet him. My mother and I have been sharing wedding ideas for years. I always thought she would be there, watching me walk down the aisle, letting me borrow something of hers. We would have to restrain her from taking over the playing of the organ, as she is the only organist she can usually tolerate.
I guess I am just glad that she doesn't have to go through any disappointment as relationships fall apart. And any boyfriends should be lucky that she can't unleash her colorful comments on them when they are being stupid. They just have to deal with mine, instead.
Mom also wanted to start reading again. Unfortunately, it had been so long since she had been into reading, that she found it difficult. I also think it was hard for her to remember chapters from one day to the next. It was easier to read the newspaper. But then, we would hear about the same article time and time again.
It was almost comical the way that she would get so excited about an article she found. "Oh my goodness! Did you hear about this?!" And she would proceed to read the article to us. Fast forward anywhere from 10-30 minutes, and the excitement would begin again. To prevent ourselves from getting too annoyed, we would feign excitement or even try to guess what it was about.
It is sad to watch her brain deteriorate. Eventually, she will become like her mother, I am sure, and simply lie in bed in the fetal position.
And speaking of babies, my mother always wanted to be a grandmother. She has pretty much been after me since I was a kid to provide her with those grandbabies. Every time a customer would come into their store with a baby, she would beg to hold it and bring it over to show me. It hurts that even if I do eventually have a baby some day, she will be unable to enjoy playing with them. My consolation here is that she has pictures of family friends' babies, and she is convinced that she is related to them somehow. So in her world, she has those beautiful grandbabies.
Now, of course, to have a baby, I require an actual boyfriend who should eventually become my husband. In my first relationship after Mom had gotten really bad, I spent a lot of time crying, because she would never meet him. My mother and I have been sharing wedding ideas for years. I always thought she would be there, watching me walk down the aisle, letting me borrow something of hers. We would have to restrain her from taking over the playing of the organ, as she is the only organist she can usually tolerate.
I guess I am just glad that she doesn't have to go through any disappointment as relationships fall apart. And any boyfriends should be lucky that she can't unleash her colorful comments on them when they are being stupid. They just have to deal with mine, instead.
Friday, April 1, 2011
A is for Anger and Acceptance
I know this is supposed to be about laughing at Alzheimer's, but you will quickly learn that I like to bask in intense feelings all over the spectrum. Even though we can laugh at many of the things that our beloved Alzheimer's patients go through, those chuckles often come out in the middle of other intense feelings.
When dealing with an Alzheimer's diagnosis, there is always anger. It is a normal part of the grieving process. I remember having strong anger, even at the age of 9, when my grandmother died from Alzheimer's. That was very traumatic for me, because I was very close to her. And after she died, it seemed like all I kept hearing was that there were all of these advances in caring for and treating Alzheimer's disease. I just kept thinking, "Where was all of this news before? Why couldn't my grandmother have had access to these medications?"
Flash forward twenty years. My mother started showing signs of Alzheimer's. Only, she was able to camouflage those symptoms in front of many of the medical professionals. We were always told that we were wrong. There was nothing wrong. I got angry at doctors who were ignoring my pleas to help my mother.
My own mother started showing some anger. She knew what was happening to her, only she didn't want to accept it. She watched her mother and brother battle the disease, and had always feared she would eventually succumb to it. She often yelled at us when we tried to tell her something that she had forgotten. We tried to apologize for having to tell her more than once, but it didn't work. I tried really hard to separate myself from the situation, but it still hurt. And I was angry that she was angry.
Insert semi-funny story: My mother had stopped driving over a year ago. It was getting ridiculous to pay for two cars and two insurance policies, when only one car was being driven. So, she and my father traded in both older cars for one newer van. I came home for vacation, and all I kept hearing was that the car had been stolen. It didn't matter how much we tried to explain it to her. She just couldn't remember trading it in.
Move on to acceptance.
As much as it has pained me to watch my mother's decline, I have had no choice but to take it for what it is. Granted, I live a few hundred miles away and it is easier to accept from afar. When people at work ask me about it, I just keep repeating my mantra, "It is what it is." And I have to choose how I handle it.
I'm not going to lie: I have cried through writing this post. I will probably cry through writing many posts. That is what I do and how I deal. And then, I move on and accept. I can't change what is happening to my mother. But, I can control how I respond to it.
I mourn her loss every day. I almost wish she were dead, because that would be easier to accept right now than what is facing her. And again, I choose to laugh in spite of it.
When dealing with an Alzheimer's diagnosis, there is always anger. It is a normal part of the grieving process. I remember having strong anger, even at the age of 9, when my grandmother died from Alzheimer's. That was very traumatic for me, because I was very close to her. And after she died, it seemed like all I kept hearing was that there were all of these advances in caring for and treating Alzheimer's disease. I just kept thinking, "Where was all of this news before? Why couldn't my grandmother have had access to these medications?"
Flash forward twenty years. My mother started showing signs of Alzheimer's. Only, she was able to camouflage those symptoms in front of many of the medical professionals. We were always told that we were wrong. There was nothing wrong. I got angry at doctors who were ignoring my pleas to help my mother.
My own mother started showing some anger. She knew what was happening to her, only she didn't want to accept it. She watched her mother and brother battle the disease, and had always feared she would eventually succumb to it. She often yelled at us when we tried to tell her something that she had forgotten. We tried to apologize for having to tell her more than once, but it didn't work. I tried really hard to separate myself from the situation, but it still hurt. And I was angry that she was angry.
Insert semi-funny story: My mother had stopped driving over a year ago. It was getting ridiculous to pay for two cars and two insurance policies, when only one car was being driven. So, she and my father traded in both older cars for one newer van. I came home for vacation, and all I kept hearing was that the car had been stolen. It didn't matter how much we tried to explain it to her. She just couldn't remember trading it in.
Move on to acceptance.
As much as it has pained me to watch my mother's decline, I have had no choice but to take it for what it is. Granted, I live a few hundred miles away and it is easier to accept from afar. When people at work ask me about it, I just keep repeating my mantra, "It is what it is." And I have to choose how I handle it.
I'm not going to lie: I have cried through writing this post. I will probably cry through writing many posts. That is what I do and how I deal. And then, I move on and accept. I can't change what is happening to my mother. But, I can control how I respond to it.
I mourn her loss every day. I almost wish she were dead, because that would be easier to accept right now than what is facing her. And again, I choose to laugh in spite of it.
Laugh at Alzheimer's Facebook Page & Twitter!
I decided I should also have a Facebook page dedicated to Alzheimer's, and providing a place for further conversation. So, I have started one, also called How to Laugh at Alzheimer's. Please visit and click "Like" to join in the conversation. I have noticed that if you link to the page from your profile, people have to actually visit it to become a "fan." (Which reminds me, several of my family and friends need to do that!)
If you are on Twitter, you can also join us on Twitter @laughatalz.
Thanks for your support!
If you are on Twitter, you can also join us on Twitter @laughatalz.
Thanks for your support!
Alzheimer's A to Z
I wasn't going to enter this blog in the April A to Z blogging challenge, but last night my brain kept going through the alphabet. It may be a good way for me to get this blog going, anyway.
What am I talking about?
For the month of April, Tossing It Out is holding an A to Z challenge for bloggers. Every day in April, except for Sundays, you blog about something that begins with the letter of the day. You have unlimited postings available for the day, but at least one should feature that letter. It could be fun.
I am doing it on several other blogs: Montessori Writer (about Montessori education), Andi's Gardening Experiments, and Montessori Writer's Thoughts. I have two other blogs, Andi's Book Reviews and Andi's Kids Books, but I didn't come up with anything for those, yet. Maybe unofficially I will pop something in here and there on them.
I'm not sure that I will be able to keep up with every single one of the blogs every single day, but I will at least make an attempt. Would you care to join me?
What am I talking about?
For the month of April, Tossing It Out is holding an A to Z challenge for bloggers. Every day in April, except for Sundays, you blog about something that begins with the letter of the day. You have unlimited postings available for the day, but at least one should feature that letter. It could be fun.
I am doing it on several other blogs: Montessori Writer (about Montessori education), Andi's Gardening Experiments, and Montessori Writer's Thoughts. I have two other blogs, Andi's Book Reviews and Andi's Kids Books, but I didn't come up with anything for those, yet. Maybe unofficially I will pop something in here and there on them.
I'm not sure that I will be able to keep up with every single one of the blogs every single day, but I will at least make an attempt. Would you care to join me?
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