Friday, June 10, 2011

Lost and Found

I think about my mother and how much she has lost. She has lost her husband, only she doesn't quite know or understand that he is gone. (We elected to not tell her Dad passed away, but we think she found out, anyway.) She has lost her memories of the past few years. She doesn't even remember things from one moment to the next. She has lost friends and family who either have no idea or simply do not understand.

But she has found new friends. She has found Dad all around her, as he is alive and well in her memories and thoughts and she talks to him every day. And with the passing of my father, she almost found new family connections, as everyone made a point to go visit her while they were in town.

Mom has lost a lot of memories. But many of the ones she has lost are the unpleasant ones. Sure a nasty one will pop up from time to time. But most of the time, all she can remember are the happier times.

Mom has found a new way to be happy because she has been able to remember her happy days. She has been blissfully unaware of the sadness and the hell that is consuming the rest of us. She has found her happy place and is allowed to stay there.

Mom had gotten lost, as she became one of those statistics who wandered off in the middle of the night. While it was a scary experience and we all know the horror stories from similar situations, she was lucky to be found. And when she was found, it led her to a new way of life where she has found peace and proper care.

I have lost my mother. That is not easy to take. Yes, she is physically still here, but that woman in the nursing home is not the mother who raised me. I have found a new kind of relationship with her and new levels of patience and understanding.

7 comments:

  1. So hard to read because the boxes on the left are covering many of your words, but what I can read is absolutely beautiful. I am sorry you have to bear this and happy for you that you understand and love her anyway. God bless all of you.

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  2. I freely admit, becoming another alzheimer's statistic terrifies me. I worked in that sphere for a while and it was heartbreaking. It was also wonderful as ladies and gents remembered things which made them laugh and dance and sing. We had some good ole knees-ups over time. Sending you love and hoping for your shared laughter with your mum

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  3. There are few illnesses crueler than Alzheimer's. It steals a person away a little at a time, while they and those who love them are forced to watch powerlessly. I am glad that your mom got so many visitors this week and I hope that they made her happy.

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  4. ............andrea..one word comes to mind BRAVE! Cultivating patience an understanding made you one of the bravest women i have ever met online.

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  5. Jo, thanks for the heads-up that the left column is covering things up again! I thought I had that fixed....grrrrr.....

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  6. What a touching story of acceptance and strength. Your coping methods are admirable and heart-warming. I can't imagine a life without memories nor can I imagine my mother not being able to recognize me. I admire you for finding ways to renew your relationship with your mother.

    My Lost and Found GBE 2 blog is here: http://helpforsingleparents.blogspot.com/2011/06/lost-and-found-teachers-who-kill-their.html

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  7. Such a great post! Love visiting your blog!

    Lola x
    http://lola-x.blogspot.com

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