Lost and Found

I think about my mother and how much she has lost. She has lost her husband, only she doesn't quite know or understand that he is gone. (We elected to not tell her Dad passed away, but we think she found out, anyway.) She has lost her memories of the past few years. She doesn't even remember things from one moment to the next. She has lost friends and family who either have no idea or simply do not understand.

But she has found new friends. She has found Dad all around her, as he is alive and well in her memories and thoughts and she talks to him every day. And with the passing of my father, she almost found new family connections, as everyone made a point to go visit her while they were in town.

Mom has lost a lot of memories. But many of the ones she has lost are the unpleasant ones. Sure a nasty one will pop up from time to time. But most of the time, all she can remember are the happier times.

Mom has found a new way to be happy because she has been able to remember her happy days. She has been blissfully unaware of the sadness and the hell that is consuming the rest of us. She has found her happy place and is allowed to stay there.

Mom had gotten lost, as she became one of those statistics who wandered off in the middle of the night. While it was a scary experience and we all know the horror stories from similar situations, she was lucky to be found. And when she was found, it led her to a new way of life where she has found peace and proper care.

I have lost my mother. That is not easy to take. Yes, she is physically still here, but that woman in the nursing home is not the mother who raised me. I have found a new kind of relationship with her and new levels of patience and understanding.