I guess I never really got past calling my mom "Mommy." Sure, I went through those teenage years where I wanted to be more grown up and referred to her as "Mom." And there were those moments of exasperation where she became "Ma." But after moving 400 miles away, she became Mommy again.
What is it about her that makes her "Mommy"? Well, she would always try to take care of my boo-boos, no matter how little nor how big. These could have been as insignificant as a stubbed toe or as big as surgery or a heartbreak. She spent hours with me when I was sick, even via phone at 4 in the morning when I was in my 30s. Like I mentioned in a previous post, she would even drive those 400 miles at the drop of a hat if it meant she could take care of me.
I often find myself crying for her when I am sick or hurt. How many times do you say, "I want my mommy!" and actually mean it? There is just something comforting about knowing she was there to take care of you, no matter what.
I really wanted my mommy last year when I was dealing with everything with my dad. I remember telling my aunt that she would have to step in on occasion and pretend to be my mommy. At the same time, I was so grateful that Mom didn't have to go through what the rest of us were going through. She could be blissfully unaware of the pain and suffering.
Call me crazy if you want, but I think somehow she is still able to come to me when I am having difficulty. I know that the afterlife exists, and truly believe that my father and grandmother have visited me on occasion over the past 18 months. I wonder if there is some kind of parallel universe that allow for Alzheimer's patients to do the same? There is no way that my dad or grandma were the ones who were present for a couple of those visits. The behavior I was experiencing was more like my mother's than theirs. I also sensed her more than I sensed them. That gave me some comfort, knowing she was still here, even if she really isn't.