I feel like somewhat of a slacker. I don't post to this blog as often as I should. The A to Z Challenge helps to lubricate the wheels of thought every year, though. In fact, this blog was originally born because of the A to Z Challenge. Back in 2011, I had a long talk with my father, as we were dealing with my mother's rapid decline into the abyss of Alzheimer's. We decided that this would be a joint effort. We would share our stories of triumph and heartache as we traveled along this journey with Mom. Our goal was to reach out to others in similar situations, to stand together in solidarity, to laugh and cry together.
Alas, my father fell ill just before my spring break from teaching that year. I was going to come home and get him all set up to post whenever he wanted to do so. Ironically, he had fallen and hit his head while getting my mother situated in a nursing home because she had run away in the middle of the night. He ignored all of the symptoms of a concussion that turned into a brain bleed and eventually took him from us. He never had a chance to see much happen with this blog. I still find it difficult to do much with it without him.
All of that being said, I have to say that this year, I finally feel like I have accepted Mom's Alzheimer's. There isn't much else I can do about it. She has slipped away to a place that I will never know, nor understand. I can no longer talk to her on the phone. I tried that at Christmas. She didn't understand how to use the phone at first, let alone try to talk on it. She had no idea who I even was. All I can do is call regularly to check in on her, which I know I don't do nearly as often as I should.
I did mange to visit her last year. I hate having her be 400 miles away. It is much more difficult for me to travel there now. And she has no idea who I am. Somewhere, deep in the back of her mind, I am a familiar face that she cannot place. She feels comfortable with me. She always wants to try to leave with me. It's heartwrenching to witness. But it is what it is. I can't change it. I can't fix it. I can grieve for what we have both lost. I can be a shoulder for others.
Thanks for listening.
I am so sorry for your loss. Living so far from my own mom during her ending years was heart breaking. Your mother is in a place that knows how to care for her and her needs.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words. My comfort does include knowing that she is in capable hands. I may have to post something about that during this challenge. This is one of the [12 ACK!] blogs that I entered this year, but didn't outline ahead of time!
DeleteI'm here via the A to Z Challenge.
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to say I feel for you. Alzheimer's runs in my family and I have witnessed it take a hold of a couple of people but not yet someone I really loved. I've told my wife that if I get it, to run away and don't look back. I know she won't but I can't imagine loving someones who doesn't remember you. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Stay strong.
Thank you for your comment. It is very difficult to handle, yet you don't have much of a choice.
DeleteI can't imagine losing a spouse to it. One of the beautiful things about my father falling and eventually succumbing to his injuries was he didn't have to witness first-hand the final descent. I don't think he could have handled it.
My hope is that by the time we are all old enough to have it impact us personally, there are better cures and treatments available! Good luck to you and yours.
Heartbreaking. I am so sorry but I applaud your courage in keeping on.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I always say you have a choice in this life. You can succumb, or you can deal and move on. I do like to dwell in processing, but I keep on keeping on. For me, it isn't a choice.
DeleteYour perspective is refreshing. Laughing at ourselves and things that stress us can be quite therapeutic, for sure.
ReplyDeleteHappy A to Z!
(I'm doing EIGHT blogs. Whew.)
Here's one:
A is for Absent - Rhymed Acrostics from A to Z
As you already know, I can choose to let it keep me down, or to embrace it and keep on keeping on. I choose the latter. :-)
DeleteI'm sorry to hear that you, too, have to experience the heartache that comes with losing a loved one to Alzheimer's. For me, it was my Granny, who was more of a mom than a grandma. She was diagnosed in 2002, but had been showing signs for at least 2 years before that. She passed away in 2005. Now my maternal grandma has dementia and I see the pattern starting all over again. It's tough, that's for sure. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteWe went through it with her mother and her brother. Her sister has a different form of dementia and was just moved into a home a couple of weeks ago. It is definitely tough, but a part of life.
DeleteThoughts of comfort to you and yours, as well. Thanks for stopping by!
I followed you last year when I was struggling with my own mother's dementia. I'm sorry that it's gotten worse for you. My mom passed last August at age 100, and I'm grateful that she didn't have to hang on longer. I believe your mom feels that your presence is one of love and comfort, even though she doesn't remember who you are. The heart has memories even when the mind loses them. Bless you.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that she passed away. But WOW to live to be 100! I do vaguely remember reading about it, I believe.
DeleteThanks again for following and for the words of encouragement. <3
You have been through so much and still stay strong. Look forward to reading the next 25 days of your challenge. xx
ReplyDeleteMy folks are both on the decline, and have some dementia that is increasing. My heart aches reading this...I have felt these same things. My folks are 90 and 93. I see them daily, but it's getting more difficult. God bless you.
ReplyDeletefrom The Dugout
My heart hurts for you:( All I can offer are my hugs.
ReplyDeleteHang in there. It's a weird feeling getting to that acceptance stage. I am there now with my Mom but sometimes I drift back out and back in. I think all natural part of the stages of grief.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear of your struggles and glad you decided to try the challenge again!
ReplyDelete(Stopping by from the A to Z Challenge)
Thank you very much for this blog. It is a comfort for me to read it and I hope it will be a comfort for you to share your experience and feelings with others. My mother has Alzheimer's as well, and I still haven't accepted it. I have moved in with her and my father, but as much as it is our desire and intention to look after her at home, I have to accept--even plan for--the time when it may not long be possible. Know that you are not alone, and that our entire generation is going on this journey together I hope we can find more and more ways of supporting each other along the way. I will check back again.
ReplyDeleteAlzheimer's is really tough to deal with...I had seen my grandpa go through that phase.
ReplyDeleteI wish you and your family all the luck and strength.
Regards
Kriti
[Stopping by from the A to Z Challenge]
Distance is difficult when you feel you want to do more than you physically can.
ReplyDeleteI have been reading this with some trepidation. There is a history of Alzheimer's in my family.
ReplyDeleteI feel I am reading my future here. Not with my parents though.
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Tim Brannan
The Other Side and The Witch
Red Sonja: She-Devil with a Sword
The Freedom of Nonbelief