Do you ever feel guilty for lying? My whole life I was told to never lie to my mother and here I am doing it every time I see her. I can be honest with her about my life but now have to withhold so much information or tweak the truth.
Yesterday, I wore my father's rings. It's my way of feeling closer to him as he goes through this long healing process. I also like to think that I am sending him healing by carrying him with me. One of the rings is a very distinct one that had belonged to my grandfather. Mom immediately recognized it and was trying to figure out why I was wearing it. I just told her that Dad was letting me borrow it for a couple of days and tried to distract her.
Every time I have to leave, she wants to get her shoes on and come with me. I always have to tell her I will be coming back later, because she won't know the difference between an hour and a couple of days later. Honestly, within a couple of minutes of me leaving, I know she doesn't remember that I was there.
She also often talks about Dad sleeping in the other bed in the room, or being off doing something else. I know that I can always tell her that he is sleeping and I wouldn't be lying at all.
Part of being a Montessori educator is never lying to the kids. You always tell the truth on a level that they can understand. I'm trying to convince myself that is what I am doing for Mom, but it still makes me feel funny.