Do you ever feel guilty for lying? My whole life I was told to never lie to my mother and here I am doing it every time I see her. I can be honest with her about my life but now have to withhold so much information or tweak the truth.
Yesterday, I wore my father's rings. It's my way of feeling closer to him as he goes through this long healing process. I also like to think that I am sending him healing by carrying him with me. One of the rings is a very distinct one that had belonged to my grandfather. Mom immediately recognized it and was trying to figure out why I was wearing it. I just told her that Dad was letting me borrow it for a couple of days and tried to distract her.
Every time I have to leave, she wants to get her shoes on and come with me. I always have to tell her I will be coming back later, because she won't know the difference between an hour and a couple of days later. Honestly, within a couple of minutes of me leaving, I know she doesn't remember that I was there.
She also often talks about Dad sleeping in the other bed in the room, or being off doing something else. I know that I can always tell her that he is sleeping and I wouldn't be lying at all.
Part of being a Montessori educator is never lying to the kids. You always tell the truth on a level that they can understand. I'm trying to convince myself that is what I am doing for Mom, but it still makes me feel funny.
I know that has to be difficult for you. I think you're doing the right thing. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteLying can be tricky and I always feel guilty afterwards. It sounds like you are handling things as well as anyone could in that situation. Good luck and stay positive. I'm glad I found your blog. I'm stopping by from the A to Z challenge and I look forward to visiting again.
ReplyDeleteDeception is vastly underrated. It is a survival skill and a good one. Meant to be used to spare others feelings.Just my opinion.
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine how hard all that is, Andrea. I know you try to laugh at some of it, otherwise it would be completely overwhelming.
ReplyDeleteAt first, I tried to always be honest with my grandmother, until eventually I realized it was pointless. Now I tell her what I think she needs to hear to stay calm and happy.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean. We went through the same thing with my grandmother too, before she lost communication entirely. When my mom would put her in the home temporarily so that she could go out of town for a weekend here and there, we would always tell grandma she was "Going to see friends" or "Going on a mini vacation."
ReplyDeleteYou have to do what you have to do.
It's so hard to lie to the ones you love. But sometimes, it's for their own good like in this case.
ReplyDeleteGreat meeting you through the A-Z :)
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ReplyDeleteIt's a very different feeling when you go from being completely honest with someone you love to having to lie for their benefit. I can imagine that it has to be tough, but remember, keeping her happy is what matters. If that means you have to relive a memory, then you can't fault yourself for that.
ReplyDelete